Many people are fairly complete except for one thing. There is that one thing that is holding them back that they are simply resistant to do. This suggests that there are unconscious patterns that keep you from being in completion. Are you overcommitted? Over-committers want to do too much and, therefore, get very little done. Over-commitment is a self-sabotage move. We over-commit and then we go to bed every single night feeling incomplete. We have set ourselves up to feel like failures.
Are you a chronic procrastinator? Procrastinators don’t have to show up all the way! If you procrastinated writing a term-paper for school and then got a “C” on that paper, you can say it’s because you didn’t have enough time or that you put it off too long. By procrastinating, you gave yourself an unconscious excuse in case you didn’t do well. What if you went all-in and still only got a “C”? That idea may surprisingly scare you! Behind all of that procrastination of writing your paper, you probably spent endless hours with the thought of needing to work on that paper. Wasting time and energy thinking about doing it is a massive energy drain, it would take much less time to just do it and this energy drain reduces or depletes your impact.
Are you interested in a relationship that works? If you have 5 years worth of with-holding built up, how mad are you? With-holding takes up a ton of energy. You need to actually say what you want to say, don’t wait until “the appropriate time.” Say whatever it is as you feel it and get it out of the way.
Getting complete is not a moral issue. It is not about being good or bad. Living in a state of completion is an aliveness issue and an impact issue, as it gives you the ability to be effective.
Experts have followed Corporate Executives around for weeks and recognized certain trends as follows:
CEO’s have a 100% completion rate in their daily routines. No matter what came up during the day, the CEO’s gave the issue their full attention until the matter was complete. Then they moved on to the next thing.
Presidents (who are just one step down from the CEO) have an average of 5 incompletes in their daily routines.
Vice Presidents have an average of 14 incompletes in their daily routine.
The list goes on from there accordingly. Do you see the pattern?
This is because it took their efforts take more steps than the CEO because they split their attention instead of giving each situation their full attention. So, they were less effective and had less impact.
The more items that were left incomplete in their day, the less value they were providing to their company, and the lesser position they were granted. The less incompletes in the daily routine, the greater value they have to the company, and subsequently, the more money they were making.
People who are hanging out in incompletion are not having maximum impact. If you are spinning out of control, you must effectively complete what you start in order to have the energy to make a lasting impact.
The good news is that as you do complete things, you get huge energy releases. Think about the last time you completed a task that seemed daunting. Remember that giant exhale you took when you knew the task was actually complete? You freed up the energy you had stored away to actually complete that task. Now that source of energy is back within your body and you immediately feel better.
What are some of the reasons that we don’t complete? Are there any fears behind getting things complete?
Are you afraid of success? Will I lose my identity if this comes to completion?
Are you afraid of what may be coming up next once this item is complete? Are you in fear of the unknown that comes with completing something long overdue?
Could a part of your incompletion be a fear of accountability? (Such as, I’ve been working on this project for a long time and if I complete it and my boss isn’t happy with it, they will hold me accountable.) Your belief, therefore, may be that if I finish this I will be given additional responsibility and obligation.
How about the idea that if I don’t complete, then others won’t count on me to show up? Do you fail to complete because there is a great excuse that goes along with it? (“Honey, I would have been home on time but I was so busy working on that project!”) We use that busy to not show up and to hide out. That is a victim’s defense by the way. (I’m being held hostage by this project!) Is your failure to complete things possibly due to underlying guilt? (If I am accountable and my project doesn’t work, then I will feel guilty.)
Do I have a fear of being visible? If we are not hiding behind stuff that is not complete, then we are visible. What if people were focused on me rather than my project? If you are not able to complete, then expectations of you are lowered and you avoid additional responsibilities.
Have you ever had this underlying belief, “If I finished all of my projects and had time for myself, I would be selfish, and selfish is not a good thing,” or, “I would be bored and have nothing to do.”
How about this one, “I like it where I’m at…it is comfortable. What will be on the other side of this box if I move myself out of it?” This is a fear of the unknown.
Think about a time when you were so worried about something that you couldn’t sleep, or that you woke up in the night in a panic. That panic is undoubtedly about something that is not yet complete.
If you notice yourself feeling sleepy at the thought of all of this, it is because you are subconsciously dealing with completions in your brain. That is what the brain does. It searches for patterns. You are already beginning to feel the weight of what is going on. Notice your breathing and feelings. Get clear with them. There is a physical impact on your body. These are symptoms of the anxiety that being incomplete creates. So, if you are beginning to feel exhausted, physically move around the room, shake your body, flap your wings, clap your hands a little bit and bring your focus back to your list.
Look at your list of incompletion from today. How does it make you feel? Get a sense of this feeling because you are carrying it with you all of the time.
I knew of a case of a client who had Fibromyalgia and the person was full of incompletion issues. Their Life Coach helped them form a list of those incompletion items and as they cleaned up the messes, the pain left their body. We are not designed to be incomplete, we are designed to finish.
It all boils down to 3 things:
1. Fear of Aliveness. (How alive are we willing to be?)
2. Fear of Death. (If we complete that project, it is done…dead. We are scared of the open space that completion creates.)
3. Fear of Making an Impact. I invite you to ask yourself, “Where have I been the most afraid to make an impact?” “Where would I like to have an impact the most in my own life?”
The reason we don’t have an impact is only because we are afraid. We exaggerate the fear by creating a big story about how scary it is to do what we want to do. You let the story stop you. How does it feel to be helpless about making the impact that you want to make instead of just feeling the fear? Usually, that is just a fear that you have been afraid to feel. This can show up as withdrawing, avoidance, and paralyzing fear. We want something that we’ve never experienced before. What is between you and what you want is just something you haven’t felt yet.